Sunday, February 15, 2009


bunh o junk

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Interesting Evening

I had an interesting evening, I spent the evening at the Michael W Smith - Stephen Curtis Chapman United concert. Volunteering for Compassion International at the Compassion table.

Now it is possible that I am a fool, in fact I am sure that at times I am. It is possible that I am naive, in fact I am sure that at times I am. I was shocked at the response of some of the people.

Part of what we did was to place ourselves in strategic places before the concert, during the intermission and directly after the concert. Our job was to be visible with packets of children so that people could sponsor children if they wished and to answer question about child sponsorship. Our job wasnt to make people feel guilty or to bother them into sponsoring a child.

Now I before I get on my soap box and eventually explain what the puppy is doing on this post let me first tell you about all the people who came up to me and told me how they already sponsor a child and what a difference it made in their lives. That was the high point of my evening.

Now let me tell about the part that kinda surprised me. As we would stand there and people would walk by, some would see the packets and smile at me and walk past.

This I understand

Some would just walk past and not even notice me.

This I understand

Then others (several others) would make eye contact with me, start to smile, see the Compassion packets in my hands and turn their head and stare at the wall as they walked passed me.

Uh... Yeah I got nothing.

I mean I understand that not everyone is led to sponsor a child, I understand that not all Christians have reached the maturity level where they are thinking outside their direct community. In fact Unless you can walk up to the compassion booth and know that you are doing this not because God says to take care of widows and orphans but because this is what you want to do, then please stay away. I don't want you to give out of guilt or out of a sense of duty or because"God says you have to" 2 Cor 9:7 (the message)"I want each of you to take plenty of time to think it over, and make up your own mind what you will give. That will protect you against sob stories and arm-twisting. God loves it when the giver delights in the giving."

After all we did get 65 children sponsored and I think that is fantastic. As people would take one of my packets and I would point them to where they could take them and fill them out, I found myself praying "Thank you God, now just one more."

Ok back to the Puppy. You see during the concert while all the people were in watching the concert there wasnt all that much to do and Mike and Myself found ourselves sitting and talking. Joking really over how to make people sponsor a child. It started with the idea of getting a t-shirt that said "if you dont sponsor a child then you are dead and souless inside" and ended with me saying we needed to get a puppy a box and a hammer and tell people sponsor a child or else....

It was good for a laugh since both Mike and I knew that we could never hurt a puppy. A cat on the other hand.........

Um... Yeah!!

I dreamt I was in love last night. not the nice stable, been in love for years kind of love, but that new lets spend every moment together kind of love. It was really strange and I have to say that I'm not sure if the dream was good or bad. The person I was in Loove with in the dream is someone I only sort of know and lives thousands of miles away so it isnt some stalker type dream. I'm kinda hoping it is more getting used to the pills I have to take now.

I can deal with that.

To be frank I enjoyed the feeling but even in my dreams I had that "this can't end well" feeling I get whenever I think about myself and relationships. I just don't think I am destined to be with anyone.

It sucks but I have learned to deal with that.

So now I sit at home getting ready to work with this bittersweet feeling in the pit of stomach. I was happy in the dream, even if I knew it was a dream and if it went on it would end badly I was happy in the dream. Happy in a way I havent felt in a long long time, and like a drug im sitting here missing the feeling I felt in my dream.

I don't know if I can deal with that.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Brennan Manning Video on

hey guys just letting you all know that I loaded a wonderful video of Brennan Manning on my podcast site at the site for Jt's Indie Christian music Podcast

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Working late

Spent most of the night re-programming to try and get everything just so. the website is now so much more than just a home for Jt's Indie Christian Music Podcast.

Photo Gallery
Indie Christian News
Videos of Interest
Indie Christian CD reviews

as well as the Podcast

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

News - Eowyn

I posted this on my site, Jt's Indie Christian Music Podcast

This is a very sad day indeed. Without a doubt, one of my favorite artists in the Indie Christian Genre was Eowyn. I say was since she just announced on her myspace page that she was quitting the music ministry.

As I said. A sad day. I was very Lucky to get meet Eowyn when she played a music Festival near my home and I left that meeting with the feeling that this was the “real thing” not a person who is touring just for fame or monetary gain, but to really make a difference in peoples lives. I am sorry to see her go and if you are interested here is the letter she posted on her myspace page.

My favorite verse my whole life has always been “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me” Philippians 4:13. That scripture has helped carry me through some of the hardest times of my life. Mainly it was always used to encourage me to continue with a dream that God had laid upon my heart many years ago, that I so often felt too insecure to do. God has constantly reminded me that I might not be able to do it, but with His help, I can do anything, even when things seemed impossible.

My favorite verse lay heavy on my mind today as I write this blog. Today, it has a different meaning. Today, I am finding it very hard to see my life other than what it has been for the past 10 years. My husband and I have worked long and hard to do a ministry that God laid on our hearts to reach the youth, but on this day….God is asking us to let it go. I don’t know if He will ever reopen that door of our ministry again, but I do know He is shutting down this current work and moving us into a new season. As I sat here crying this morning telling God I can’t do this, and that I don’t know how to be anything but who I have been for the past 10 years…Philippians’ came to mind….I can do all things through Christ….

While the Eowyn Music ministry has been around for many years, 10 to be exact, my husband and I actually jumped into full time ministry in January. We have been blessed this year to do over 70 shows in just six months and travel all across the United States, and Germany is It was one of the scariest times of our life, butJstill coming up! also one of the most exciting! We knew that God had given us new vision, with a new album, Silent Screams, and we couldn’t wait to go on the road and share our hearts with others, especially the youth. Many of you may have read my past blogs about the hardships this year, but through it all God provided every step of the way, financially, spiritually, and emotionally.

What you may not have heard of enough, are the miraculous ways God came through. Every month my husband and I owed a minimum of $10,000 which included 4 Musicians for hire, business bills, personal bills and bus fuel. This figure did not include if the bus broke down, or if fuel was higher than expected. One month it was $6500.00 just for three weeks of fuel alone. But I tell you this to show you the miracles of God! He provided everything we needed exactly when we needed it most. And no matter what you are going through today, He will do that for you as well!!

What you may also have not heard enough of are the amazing people that we had the privilege of meeting (many of you!), the AMAZING players that we had the opportunity to serve with (thank you especially to Josh Baker, Josh Donis, Charlie Simpich, Jordan Wood, Craig Sumner, Aaron Tosti, and Brent Clifford..these just from this year), and the many youth that dedicated their life to Christ. This has been an absolutely amazing year of blessings and truly an amazing 10 years that I will never forget!

But now, this day… financially, we just can’t continue. This week we found ourselves unable to meet all of our bills and found ourselves unable to even pay for fuel to the next show. It wasn’t poor planning on our part, we just had a lot of things happen, from several checks given to us from past shows bounce, and several venues ended up canceling upcoming dates due to economic hardships… and this just being a few of the things. God used all of this to show us He was allowing this season of this ministry to shut down. This month He began to allow doors to shut and then so lovingly began to prepare our hearts for this moment, even though at the time we didn’t realize that’s what He was doing.

We will be doing a few last shows coming up which I will announce soon on the websites. The way things are looking, it will most likely only be one or two of the current ones we have, as we will be canceling all others. So please be sure to make it out, if you are anywhere close! We will also still be heading to Germany in December which I am absolutely excited to be apart of this event! To all the shows we had to cancel, I am truly sorry! And to all the fans/friends who were going to come out, I am also very sorry!

I do want to thank you guys for everything!! Please know that I will still check my site everyday and will still pray for you if you need prayer. That part of this ministry will never end! :) We will also leave up the website and online store for a time, so that if you would like to purchase any of the merchandise, you are able to do so. This will also help us financially survive as we begin to look for new jobs. You can also still get the songs on Itunes and the cd’s at Lifeway Christian Bookstores, The Mardel chains, and many others. A side note…the online store is run by my family so you can go to and make your purchases there which will go directly to us. But most importantly, you can help by praying for us. Please pray for direction, wisdom, comfort, peace, and joy for everyone involved, especially my band members. If you know of anyone looking for a drummer, keyboardist, bass player or guitarist, please let me know or write them personally. You can link to them from my myspace page To Josh, Donis, and Charlie…I will never forget the memories we shared and I will always be thankful for the time that God brought you into our lives! You were not only the best players I have ever seen, but also the best friends I could have ever asked for. I will miss being on the road with you.

Lastly, I know that some of you may question why God would allow something to shut down if it was truly about Him and for Him. I can’t completely answer that, but God reminded me of something I wrote in my journal one year ago. He asked me one question… “Will you give ME glory, even in your death?” I thought He meant physical death at the time, so after contemplating a few moments I said, “Yes Lord.” Of ThenJcoarse I was still hoping I wouldn’t have to die anytime soon! yesterday as I began to feel God shut down the ministry, I kept saying I feel like I’m dying!! I feel that my whole identity is about to die! (which to those of you who are worried…I realize this isn’t true…it’s just hard to believe at the moment… but I will get there.) Then God immediately reminded me of what he asked me a year ago….”Will you give ME glory, even in your death? I answered… “Yes, Lord”.

My husband asked me last night, do you regret doing this? And without question I quickly responded, “not even a little bit!” I will never forget the amazing faithfulness of God! I will never forget the memories that He allowed us to make. I will never forget the doors HE opened for this Independent Artist that many said would never open. And I will never forget the blessing of being able to meet many of you!! Whatever God has called you to do, DO IT!! Even if for a Season! And Do it to the Glory of the Lord! All of us who have been apart of Eowyn Music are excited to enter into our new Season! To Jesus Christ be all the Glory!! :)

I love you guys,

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

A View From The Foxhole

Well here I am, back in the foxhole. stress has started to mount and aside from the whole sick in the stomach feeling I'm doing ... well ok I guess.

School has started so now I have to worry that my son may or may not be at school each day. things otherwise are about the same, lots to worry about and little I can do about it.

They say there are no atheists in foxholes and that is probably true, but the reason is that once you lose your faith you leave the foxhole, quit fighting and just wait for it all to end. I'm not that bad but I can see how you get there.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Too Cool

Worship is wonderful thing

As I write this I have been listening to some worship music on my computer and while I agree and know that worship itself cannot be accomplished alone, I do see the use of this music for bringing me in tune with God and helping me thru hard times. While it isn't worship, it is important.

My life has been mixed lately, times of great joy mixed with so much pain and loneliness. I find myself wondering just what the hell am I doing, and yet I find my self clinging to Jesus. It is this dichotomy that I wonder about. Why can't I just have faith? There is no doubt in my mind that Jesus is real and that He died for me. still I find myself doing the dumbest things...

I guess this is what being human is.